How would you feel if an adult with a regular full-time job moved into your
home with their girlfriend or boyfriend, and maybe even their kids and pets, took
over part of your house, expected you to clean and cook for them, do their
laundry and pay all the bills?
If they’re your kids or grandkids, that’s what’s happening
today. And many parents and grandparents seem to be fine with this.
I’ll admit I’m stunned. Maybe because I was raised by
wolves, I never once even considered moving back in with my parents. They
never expected me to do that, either. In fact, when I left for college they
almost immediately moved into a condo. I
was welcome to visit – temporarily – but would never again have a room of my
own there.
Contrast that with today.
I now know people who’ve had grandkids and their respective boyfriends or
girlfriends, plus kids, move back in with them.
I know others with daughters and sons near their 40s with decent paying full-time
jobs who have moved back home.
Look, I understand people falling on hard times and moving
back home temporarily. Or kids just out
of college looking for a job.
This isn’t the case here.
These are grown-up adults, with regular jobs and a good
salary, living rent and expense free in their parents’ or grandparents’ home. In
some cases, Mom and Dad, or Gramma and Grandpop, are still paying their car insurance,
their health insurance, paying for all the food as well as all the normal house
expenses like taxes and utilities. Their
“guests” are paying for practically nothing.
When I ask them why they are allowing this, they almost
always say the same thing:
Their kids or grandkids are saving
up for a house.
Seriously. Does anyone really believe this? Is everyone that delusional? Do these parents and grandparents expect that
one day middle-aged Jimmy or Suzy is going to say: “Folks, we’ve saved enough
for the lovely Cape Cod we’ve wanted and are moving next week.”
Get real. Never going to happen. As long as they can get free room and board
and hotel service at no cost to them they’re going to stay. Forever.
Because they aren’t “saving up for a house”; they already
have a house – yours. They aren’t “saving”; they’re waiting for you to just
give up and hand your house to them. Free.
Make no mistake – that’s the plan. They will play the “saving
for a house” card or the “saving up to pay off my student loans” card as long
as possible. Meanwhile, they have no problem making car payments, taking vacations,
or partying on the money they’re saving at your expense.
They realize they can depend on old Mom and Dad, or the
grandparents, to fall for this nonsense. After all, isn’t buying a house or
paying down your debts something to be supported?
Why of course. If that’s what they’re really
doing. But it’s not. And after a fashion even the most clueless parent or grandparent
senses what’s going on.
Their precious little snowflakes – now in their 30s and 40s –
are still taking them for a ride. Just as they always have. And just as they
always will, given the opportunity. Parents and grandparents are ATMs they can
tap anytime they want and they never have to pay them back.
This is not news. What do you expect from people coddled as
children and brought up to expect that the world owes them everything for free.
Including a free home.
I’ve actually heard parents and grandparents in this
situation talk about just moving out of their own house, leaving the kids or
grandkids there, and finding another house for themselves. They think this will
solve things because once they’re no longer there cooking, cleaning, and paying
all the bills, the moochers will move on to a place of their own.
Fat chance of that. I can’t see the future, but I can hazard
a pretty good guess.
I’ll bet if they do move out and leave the kids and
grandkids behind in their old house, they still won’t be off the hook. Those
same kids and grandkids will continue to expect them to maintain the property,
do repairs, and pay the taxes and utilities on the house they no longer live
in.
The only real answer is to kick them out. If you love them,
you’ll do this. Even if you don’t love them all that much anymore – and if that’s
the case I understand – do it ASAP
Just stand up from the dinner table one night and say: “it’s
time for you to go. You have a month to get ready. At the end of that month
either a moving van will pull up to take you and your possessions to your new
place. Or a Goodwill truck will pull up
to take all your stuff as a donation. Your choice.”
Worried about the consequences? The hurt feelings? Don't. It's still your house.
Years ago I had a woman in her late 20s who worked for me still living with Mom and Dad. She was making a good salary here, had
a nice car, nice clothes, and was always out at night partying with her
friends.
One day I asked her if she ever thought about moving out and
getting her own place. She told me she couldn’t do that because it would break
her parents’ hearts.
Honest to God, that’s what she said.
At least she didn’t tell me she was “saving up to buy a
house.” I’ll give her that.
Years later she moved out to San Francisco with a new job. I
suspect her parents survived.
So will they.
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