Cesar Chavez on the $5 bill …

Why not?

As long as we’re changing portraits on American currency to pander to Democrat constituencies, I see no reason why it has to stop with replacing Andrew Jackson with Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill.  There’s also a plan to keep Hamilton on the $10 bill – mainly because of the rap-hit Hamilton on Broadway – but add a group of suffragettes on the back.

So let’s see … we’re replacing Jackson – one of the country’s founders and two-time President – with a famous black abolitionist. We’ll also be replacing the engraving of the U.S. Treasury on the back of the $10 bill with black and white female suffragettes; but we'll keep Hamilton on the front because right now he's popular with playgoers in New York.

Where’s the Hispanic on our currency?  That’s why it’s time to consider Chavez. That would appease the Hispanic community, especially Mexican Americans, plus labor unions.   

Then we can start considering Caitlyn Jenner for the $1 bill. It could have a printed hologram that depending on the angle shows Olympian Jenner or Cosmo Jenner. Because the dollar bill is so widely used it can serve as a reminder to everyone to just get used to it.    

Now Ulysses Grant was a war monger and abuser of native Americans so let’s kick him off the $50 bill while we’re at it. FDR would be a great choice there if for no other reason than he represents exponential growth in government spending and expansion of entitlements. He’s also famous  for attempts to pack the Supreme Court to overturn the Constitutional balance of power between the Congress, the Executive Branch and the Judicial Branch. Democrats already revere him as a near mythic figure, and, lest we forget, he was handicapped – a two-fer. 

Franklin can stay on the $100 bill. He was newspaper publisher, so he was in the media. Also, he was a well-known philanderer who had affairs with single and married women of all ages. Perfect.

There we are.  We’ve now appealed to all Democrat core constituencies. 

There’s only one thing left. We have to get rid of that annoying “In God We Trust” stuff. It’s offensive to atheists and way too moralistic.

Maybe we can change that to “In Politics We Trust.”

Or perhaps a simple ”Whatever.”