It’s that time of year.
And the Christmas letters have started to arrive.
Dear friends and
family …
Greetings and Happy
Holidays from the Smith Family!
To say we had an
interesting year would be an understatement.
As I’m sure I’ve told
you, our brilliant son Scooter has been enrolled in an online school for the
past 5 years, studying to become a licensed Life Coach. (Or Phrenologist – he was undecided for a
while.) Well, it appears he’ll graduate this year and
may be entering the workforce.
It’s been a long, hard
road for him – balancing his time between his studies, playing in his Steam
Punk band – (The Mountain Oysters), and being a new dad.
That’s right, little
Scooter is a proud papa.
He and his high-school
sweetheart, Heather, surprised us with a baby girl – named Gaga – in
February. After paternity tests
confirmed Scooter as the father, we warmly welcomed Heather and the baby into
our family. Scooter, Heather and baby Gaga
are living in our family room right now until Scooter finishes remodeling our
basement into a home for them and band practice space.
He’s always been handy
so the work is going quickly. We expect
him to be finished by this time next year.
Once we get heat down there, it should be quite cozy.
Heather has promised
to get her GED in a couple of years.
Once she gets her GED, she plans on enrolling in the Springfield Academy
of Beauty & Cosmetology (maybe you’ve heard of it) and study to become a Certified
Eyebrow Waxer (CEW).
You’d be surprised how
much a CEW makes! I know I was. So between
Scooter’s earnings as a Life Coach and her income as a waxer, they should be
able to sock away enough to put a down payment on a nice double-wide they’ve
been eying in about 5-10 years.
In the meantime, we
just love having them here.
It reminds us of when
Scooter’s big sister Brandy moved back with us after pursuing her dream of
being an actress in Hollywood.
For three years she
and her boyfriend Butch and their two children – N’aasheen and Ta’neshai –
lived with us. When Butch violated his
parole and had to go back in for a spell, Brandy and the kids moved into a very
nice mobile-home community with her boss Spike from the club where she danced.
Brandy doesn’t dance
at the club anymore, but does a few private parties from time to time to help
out her friends. She always had a big
heart. She says she’s making a lot more
money now helping Spike produce specialty videos sold on the Internet. Not sure what those are but Brandy and Spike seem
happy and are making a good living.
So that leaves Babs –
our youngest – and Bud and me.
And of course our dog
Puddles and our cat Mr. Tinkles. More on
them later …
Babs is still into the
whole Goth thing, I’m sorry to say. Such
a pretty girl underneath all that black eyeliner, tattoos and body piercings. But we love her dearly and hope this is just
a phase that a lot of 10-year-olds go through.
Bud and I have been
fine. Bud retired this year from his
Proctology practice after that stupid state investigation. Somebody filed a silly complaint just because
Bud was cutting up one day and said “Look, no hands!” during an examination. Another complaint got filed when Bud – always a
prankster – put his proctoscope in the freezer to have fun with one of his
patients.
Turns out some people
have no sense of humor.
Anyway, it’s probably
for the best. He’s philosophical about
it. He has a part time job now at Wal-Mart. He says working with the public and his coworkers
there is pretty much like his proctology practice, but he doesn’t have to wear gloves.
I’m not sure I understand but Bud tells
me to “just think about it.”
Puddles and Mr.
Tinkles have had a tough year.
Sadly, Puddles was diagnosed with Terminal
Canine Flatulence. We’re hopeful that changing his diet will allow us to keep
him with us for yet another year. It’s
not so bad in the warmer weather when we can keep the windows open. We‘re relying on scented candles and Glade Plug-ins
to try to make it through the winter months. Poor Puddles.
Mr. Tinkles got into a
fight with another neighborhood cat and lost part of his ear. Then, with all the scented candles burning,
he jumped up on the counter to investigate and his tail caught on fire. He
wasn’t seriously hurt but with half an ear and a bald tail he’s not going to
win any beauty prizes anytime soon.
Well, that’s it from
here. Hope you and your family enjoy the
holidays!
With best wishes …
Madge, Bud, Scooter,
Heather, Baby Gaga, and Puddles and Mr. Tinkles
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