Sources allege there’s evidence that Adam Schiff is a
pedophile.
Schiff angrily denied the allegations saying “it’s all been
blown out of proportion. I did nothing wrong. What I did was perfect. It’s a
hit job.”
My sources claim they heard from a friend who claimed inside
knowledge they’d gotten from someone who had information from someone close to
Schiff that Adam Schiff liked little boys.
As damning proof, there’s a tape of Schiff acting as Santa
at a Christmas party asking a young boy what he’d like for Christmas. Schiff
didn’t have to say it, but the boy understood that Santa wouldn’t bring him
anything unless the boy did what “Santa” wanted.
It’s clear from the context what Schiff was after – he was
willing to provide something to that boy if the boy would do something for
him. Other people in the room were
stunned that Schiff would blatantly pressure the child this way, threatening
him with withholding gifts if the boy didn’t do exactly what Schiff
wanted. He used his position of
power – as Santa – to intimidate the boy.
He also asked the boy to cooperate fully with Santa’s
associate – the Elf on the Shelf – already in the boy’s house. He asked the boy
to “do us a favor” and look into some disturbing rumors he’d heard about
someone misbehaving in the boy’s house.
Everybody knew what they heard. Everyone knew what Schiff was
after. Well, only a couple of people
actually heard what Schiff had said. But others later learned second and third
hand and were appalled. One sent a letter anonymously to
the boy’s parents about their concerns.
The parents found the tape and played it. They listened to it. Schiff listened to it. Nobody could find anything wrong on the tape. The boy also listened to it; even the boy
said he didn’t hear anything wrong, nor did he ever feel pressured.
But an anonymous source – who, it turned out, wasn’t even
there when the whole thing originally occurred – decided to file a formal
complaint with the neighborhood watch association. Others who hadn’t witnessed
the original event, but didn’t like Schiff as a neighbor, were convinced there
was credible evidence Schiff was a sexual predator and filed a complaint with
local police.
The local police responded by searching Schiff’s house, seizing
his computer, confiscating his smartphone, and demanding all his phone records
and browser history from his internet provider.
They also put Schiff on notice
they planned to investigate further by interviewing neighbors and past
associates of Schiff in private rooms at the police station. Police said since
Schiff had not been formally charged with a crime, yet, he or his legal counsel
would not be permitted to view these interviews while police determined whether
to file charges.
Schiff said this was all unnecessary – all anyone had to do
was listen to the tape. He said it was “a perfect
conversation” with the boy. And even the
boy had said there was nothing wrong, after all. But then it was revealed that the original tape had been edited – four seconds were
missing (Schiff claimed it was inadvertent); his accusers demanded to know what
was on those four seconds. What was Schiff trying to hide?
Everyone could only speculate.
Police put up crime-scene tape around Schiff’s
property. TV networks camped out in
front of his house. Reporters interviewed
his neighbors and former staff members, some of whom made disparaging comments about Schiff, which were
the lead stories on every network. Selected excerpts from the supposed “confidential” police interviews started to leak to the media.
Just the excerpts that seemed to support the allegations
against Schiff, however.
Schiff got angry. He
lashed out at the media, his neighbors and the police investigators. He claimed
the allegations were unfounded and orchestrated by a handful of neighbors and associates with whom he’d had past run-ins.
But the more he complained, the more his
accusers claimed that his protestations were simply further evidence of his
guilt.
Hmmm. Does this sound familiar?
Oh, and this was just a parody. Okay?
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