Years ago I came to the conclusion that at some time in
everyone’s life they make a conscious or unconscious decision that life is
generally good, or life generally sucks. That decision shapes how they see
everything for the rest of their lives; it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Like me, you know people in both camps.
I’ve known a man for many years who is the epitome of the
former. He’s probably 96 or 97 years old now. He’s a former Eastern Airlines
pilot later tapped to train other Eastern pilots.
He is relentlessly upbeat. When he was 95 I asked him his secret. He said that every day he is constantly amazed by all the new
technology, all the advances in science, everything new, in other words. Every
one of his days is a bonus to him, and he savors every moment.
It’s fascinating to talk to him. He doesn’t dwell on the
past; instead, he’s focused on what’s going on now and down the road – science,
space exploration, technology, politics, whatever. He enjoys Skyping on his computer with his
kids, their kids and grandkids wherever they are in the world, but looks
forward to whatever will be next – maybe Skype with holographic images, he once said.
There’s always a bounce in his step, a firm handshake, a
quick smile for everyone. It’s hard to
accept that he’s in his late 90s. He
still dotes on his wife of more than 70 years, he loves his kids, and has a rich social life where he lives. He’s a joy to
be around.
He considers himself very fortunate. You might be thinking
he’s just lucky; some people just lead charmed lives.
Let me correct that impression: his wife, the love of his
life, has Alzheimer’s. If you have any first-hand experience with that disease
– as my family has – you know how tough that is.
She’s been declining for years. She only has bad days and
not-as-bad days anymore. But he is always by her side, taking her in her
wheelchair to church, to dinner, to wherever she wants to go, encouraging her,
comforting her, and caring for her every need.
He knows what the future holds for her. That might break
other people. Yet he’s determined to do
the best for her while she’s still here. Even though they live in an assisted-care
facility with ready access to an Alzheimer’s wing, he takes care of her in their
own apartment. He told me he’ll do that
until he is no longer physically able to care for her.
He is one of the kindest, most thoughtful and most inspiring
men I’ve ever met. And also one of the most consistently cheerful and
upbeat.
I believe he decided long ago that life was generally
good. And so, despite all the trouble
he’s seen in his long years, and the current situation with his wife, he still
believes it has been.
So for him it still is.
Now you also know people from the “life-generally-sucks”
camp.
I’m not talking about the folks with clinical depression or those
with lives filled with very real physical and mental pain and suffering. It would be easy for them to conclude life
generally sucks, and for them, in many cases, it does. Yet, surprisingly, many of them have an
enhanced appreciation for the small pleasures of life a lot of us take for
granted too often, like my former-pilot friend.
No, I’m referring to those people you know who should be
happy for what they have but aren’t. In
fact they will never be happy. Ever.
They focus on the cloud surrounding every silver lining. The half-full glass. The darkness that precedes the dawn. They have bad relationships because they
expect every relationship to turn out badly – it’s just a matter of time. Every job they’ve had was doomed to failure,
because they expected to fail. Their
bosses have always had it in for them; their co-workers were standoffish and
cold; the deck has always been stacked against them.
So their decision that life sucks became a self-fulfilling
prophecy. The more they believed it
sucked, the more it did because they made it suck. And so on.
They may not have made that decision consciously, but it
doesn’t matter. They have to live with
the consequences for the rest of their lives.
Every time something positive happens to them, they will
anticipate something awful to balance it out. Every time they make a friend, or enter a relationship, they will obsessively
look for signs that portend a bad end with only heartbreak and pain to
come.
And so, they will get what they expect.
As do the people who believe life is generally good.
No comments:
Post a Comment